TRUE STORY

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi (then
Speaker of the United States House of Representatives) happened to appear. Ms. Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a
bit and asked him a question with which he would be most at ease.


'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

'Well, you might ask', "Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

A woman comes home and tells her husband

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, ''What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist.


He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
"I do not have a headache;
I do not have a headache

I do not have a headache.

."It Worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He goes into the Bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was

even better than The First time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says,
"Don't move, I'll be right back."
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,

"She's not my wife,
She's not my wife,
She's not my wife"

His funeral service will be held on Friday.

At the Race Course

Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry


At the Post:
They’re off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate lady is caught between
Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark it’s Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure
from Big Johnson.
At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish It’s Big Johnson giving everything he’s got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head.
Heavy Bosom weakens and Thighs pulls-up.
Clean Sheets never had a chance.

A man wrote a letter

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me."
He is well groomed and very well behaved.
"Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years."
"In all that time I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls."
"I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly."
"I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill."
"Yes indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

Chicken sandwiches

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what ! !
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends..Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?'
She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it.'
'Why?' he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'
'Let me see' he said.
'Okay' and she showed him.. He looked and said, 'That's right.You are! Better not eat any more chicken.'
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl,
'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!' She asked if she could look, so he showed her!
She said, 'Oh, my God, it's too late for you!
You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!